


Every Mistake Humanity Has Ever Made +1

by lovinglydull



Category: RWBY
Genre: F/M, Gen, People are kind of naked in it, Short, Silly, and it's extremely awkward, but nothing else happens., yeah...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-16
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-01-01 17:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1046446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovinglydull/pseuds/lovinglydull
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ozpin isn't a stranger to mistakes, as he was right to point out in his first appearance. But, as he wakes up in someone else's bed, it seems like he's made yet another mistake...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is extremely silly and may ruin your perceptions of Ozpin as a smug, stoic man.

It wasn't until Ozpin had stood up and looked around the room he was currently in that he realized he had made a huge mistake. He'd have to say the first warning sign was the fact that he was naked. The second warning sign was the fact that he was, quite definitely, not in his own bed. The third warning sign would have to be when he turned around and noticed his strange bedfellow.

Cinder Fall was fast asleep on the other side of the bed.

Also naked.

Yes. Yes, this was a mistake. He'd made more mistakes than any man, woman, or child on the face of the earth, but this? This took the cake and threw it right out the window, screaming and crying as it jumped out after the cake.

Calm down, Ozpin. You just... okay, there's no real reason to be calm. You just slept with a terrorist and supercriminal that is trying to blow up your academy and presumably kill everyone inside of it. How drunk, exactly, were you? How drunk, exactly, was she? Why don't you remember important things, like... I dunno, why you had just slept with a terrorist and supercriminal?

Ozpin wasn't sure if it was stress or a hangover, but his head was throbbing like no one's business. He needed to calm down. First, find his pants. Next, find his communicator. Afterward... tell Qrow? Glynda? Port and Oobleck? Gah, he didn't know who to tell. At least Qrow was quiet enough with... information like this.

Pants, pants, pants... he had found the disorganized pile of clothing in the corner, his pants lying under Cinder's dress, his jacket, shirt and vest in their own rumpled pile. He'd have to get it to the dry cleaners as soon as possible, but first things first. His communicator was in the right pocket, back... ha! Here we go.

Ozpin: QROW WHERE ARE YOU?  
Ozpin: QUEEN HAS A ROOK.  
Ozpin: I REPEAT, QUEEN HAS A ROOK.  
Qrow: are we really  
Qrow: are we really going to go through this?  
Qrow: this hush-hush secret code spy stuff?  
Qrow: i haven't been seven years old for a long time.  
Qrow: i don't even like chess.  
Ozpin: STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT MY CHOICE IN CODEWORDS  
Ozpin: LISTEN.  
Ozpin: I WOKE UP IN BED WITH SOMEONE.  
Ozpin: SOMEONE I SHOULDN'T HAVE.  
Qrow: was it goodwitch?  
Qrow: it was about time, oz my friend.  
Qrow: it was insufferable, really.  
Qrow: seeing you both have eyesex across the room.  
Ozpin: WHAT? NO.  
Ozpin: GOD NO. GLYNDA'S A GREAT FRIEND.  
Qrow: the tension was so thick a knife could cut it.  
Ozpin: I DON'T WANT A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP RIGHT NOW.  
Qrow: it was disgusting.  
OzpinOzpin: STOP TALKING.  
Ozpin: IT'S CINDER, OKAY?  
Qrow: okay, now i know this is a joke.  
Qrow: this definitely needs to be a joke.  
Qrow: because otherwise port owes me fifty lien.  
Ozpin: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.  
Ozpin: WAIT, PORT AND YOU WERE GAMBLING?  
Ozpin: GAMBLING ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE?  
Ozpin: AND YOU BET THAT I WOULD BED CINDER?  
Qrow: okay, okay, hold on one second.  
Qrow: let's assess everything without jumping to conclusions.  
Qrow: do you have third degree burns?  
Ozpin: NO.  
Qrow: then it isn't an emergency.  
Qrow: just leave. make sure there's no evidence.  
Qrow: pretend you weren't there.  
Ozpin: WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?  
Ozpin: QROW!  
Qrow: -User has blocked further messages at this time-

 

Well then. He was on his own. He had to collect... boxers, pants, belt. Alright, with that done, shoes and socks were next. His shoes were... ah, they were under the bed.

He stooped down, hand reaching under the bed. Alright. One shoe, another shoe... he could do without socks. He needed to leave as quickly as possible, and scrounging up a pair of socks would be completely counteractive to that end.

As his head lifted up, however, he realized there was no clean way out of this.

Because Cinder was looking right at him.

Ozpin and Cinder both had completely blank expressions on their faces. These expressions were maintained as Ozpin slowly backed up, still maintaining eye contact. The grey-haired man quickly pulled together the rest of his clothes on the floor, slipped on his glasses, and waltzed outside, still not turning around as he shut the door in his egress.

Cinder... didn't really know what to think of that. She decided the best plan was to go back to sleep and pretend this hadn't happened.

She turned over in her bed, averting her eyes just before Ozpin quickly opened the door again, snatching his coffee mug off of an end table near the doorway.

This entire night was just far too awkward for everyone involved.


	2. The unnecessary Follow-up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story's complete as it is, but I figure I can expound more on the aftermath.

Headmaster Ozpin was at his desk, trying desperately to blot out the events of last night by throwing himself into his administrative work. It was helping, at least. Although the fact that his coworkers were making disturbing betting pools about his personal life behind his back did end up distracting him from his work. Still, he hoped today would be uneventful.

His hope was dashed when he was confronted with an email notification. And, of course, the email was from Qrow.

Dreading the inevitable ribbing, but still wanting to get it all over with, Ozpin opened up the email with more than some trepidation.

* * *

_Dear Old Oz,_

* * *

It was already going poorly, as expected.

* * *

_I realize it was rather disrespectful to mock you for boning a terrorist half your age, and then running away instead of turning her in to the police while she was temporarily incapacitated._

* * *

Ozpin let out one of the longest, loudest sighs he had ever mustered.

* * *

_Joking aside, I truly do want to apologize for not giving you more sound advice, and hope you'll forgive me for the mocking I've no doubt fit into this e-mail. To make up for it, I'll buy you next week's supply of coffee. Not that bargain bin Atlas crap you usually drink. The real fancy kind, with the palace and golden emblem on the front, and words like "silky" and "robust" that try to disguise the fact that at the end of the day, they're giving you coffee and not some life-changing epiphany._

_You know, that kind._

* * *

Huh. That was a surprise. Qrow almost seemed genuinely repentant.

 

* * *

 

_As a further apology, here's a very sincere ecard I made myself._

* * *

And here it comes.

Shaking his head, Ozpin clicked on the attached file. And indeed, it was a card that Qrow made himself. And made badly, most likely on purpose.

Magenta background and green letters stating "To Ozpin," stock art of a birthday cake with the words "Happy Birthday" badly edited out and replaced, in the same horrible green letters, "congrats 4 sex."

Ozpin immediately closed the file, deleted the e-mail, and stepped away from the computer. After a few deep breaths, he walked calmly out of his office.

Sometimes, he hated his friends.

 

 

 


End file.
